its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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