Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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