Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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