nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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