1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
