OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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