all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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