i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
