I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
ugly people sure do ruin things
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
