yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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