guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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