you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
