Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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