Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
