I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
