I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
