here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
