I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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