I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
