I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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