If i come over, it means nothing
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
