Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
