I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
