I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
