that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
