I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
