I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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