Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
