So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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