i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
