the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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