His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
