Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
