My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
