just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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