mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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