I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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