Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
