Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
