I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
