Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
