I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
