Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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