No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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