Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
