You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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