well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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