i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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