Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
