The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
