If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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