I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
